A Brief Moment in Chinese Class

Posted on December 10, 2013 by Becky
I was surprised to discover that I have NO photos from my chinese class. So I'll show off by reposting the picture of my homework where I got an A. Although I have since found out that my classmates got A+ and A++ so I guess my A is really more like a C. Sigh…..

I was surprised to discover that I have NO photos from my chinese class. So I’ll show off by reposting the picture of my homework where I got an A. Although I have since found out that my classmates got A+ and A++ so I guess my A is really more like a C. Sigh…..

I’ve written about some funny things my students have said recently, but what about my teacher? Almost everyday I take Chinese class and some funny stuff goes down in class, albeit not intentional at times.

You see, my teacher is as traditional as they come. He thinks women shouldn’t be bosses, or do things like business. He is shocked as all get-out when he hears that students are openly gay, and won’t interfere when he overhears a neighbor beating his wife because it is “family business” and not his business.

Your probably imagining some old guy, in a tattered suit that has been teaching Chinese forever. But nope, my teacher is young, younger than me, and it’s his first year at my university. He wears normal, modern clothes, has a super awesome, cheery/funny wife (who was my teacher last semester) who he just married last year. He has traveled and even lived in other countries so I am continually shocked at his pretty ignorant remarks.

Such as? I hear you wondering. Well, the other day we were talking about opium of all things. He said 100 years ago, Chinese people would lie on couches, like zombies, smoking opium. Then he said that today Chinese people still lie down, zombie-like, only now its because of their phones.

“The opium was England’s fault,” he said. “The cell phones are America’s fault.”

I, of course, immediately protested. “Don’t blame America!” I said. “We don’t invent all the cell phones.”

“Well, you invented Apple,” he said laughing because he knew it was funny.

I protested again in todays class and surprised him. Why doth I protest?

Well, we were talking about a new vocabulary word, 豁达, huoda, which means like, open, positive, optimistic kinda person. Then he asked us what was the opposite and it was 小气, xiaoqi, which means like stingy, miserly, etc.

That was good and fine until he said, “Guys are huoda while girls are xiaoqi.” Which made my jaw drop open and I protested. He seemed genuinely surprised that I disagreed. So he asked around. That class had 2 guys and 3 girls in it. He asked a girl, and she of course said no. Then he asked one of the guys. And asked him in kinda a dude-way like, “bro, I’m right, right?” But my classmate wisely refused to answer. The other girl said that it wasn’t a boy/girl thing or china/western but a personality thing.

Then he told us how moms will tell their male children to be more optimistic when they meet troubles and girls they’ll just let pout or whatever and that’s where the gender imbalance came from.

One student kinda misunderstood the meaning and asked if huoada was a negative word. “No, it’s a positive one,” my teacher said.

“So xiaoqi is a negative meaning?” To this he also answered no.

“No, it just is…like, if a girl gets mad you just say, whatever, she’s a girl so it’s okay.”

I’m still protesting on a kinda feminist rant (well, as much as I can rant with my poor vocab) and I say, “It does have a negative meaning!”

And he said, “Well, if you use it when referring to a guy, then yeah. But a girl, not negative just….” he searched for a moment to find the right word. “…normal.”

I really like my teacher but sometimes I just gotta wonder. What century is he living in?

Categories: China, Learning Chinese | Tags: , , , , | Leave a comment

Living in the Chinese Pollution

Posted on December 7, 2013 by Becky

 

Just a foggy day? Nope, something a bit more sinister….

Just a foggy day? Nope, something a bit more sinister….

Looks like I spoke too soon about the beautiful weather. (Perhaps I jinxed it?) Not even one day after I wrote that blog post the weather changed from crisp, clear and beautiful to foggy. But not just any fog….the dreaded fog of Chinese pollution.

Living in southern China pollution is not something I have had to deal with. I mean, I’m sure I have on some level, but for the most part it is not noticeable, and people don’t talk about it. I’ve always thought my friends up north in Beijing and Harbin were total suckers for living there. But now I’m getting a taste of their life…quite literally. The pollution is so bad you can almost taste it. (“The pollution is the taste of China’s GDP” is a joke going around Chinese social media.)

So how bad is it? Well, there are a few measurements. One is AQI, the Air Quality Index. Acceptable levels are below 150. Anything above 150 is considered to be unhealthy, and everyone will feel the effects, especially those with health problems. Anything over 300 is considered extremely dangerous. The levels in my city these days? 500.

In fact, it could be higher than 500 but most measurements stop at 500, considering that so extremely high it is unlikely to reach that level. Well, not in China.

There is another pollution level gauge called PM2.5, or fine particle matter. That is, a measure of how thick the air is with particles of pollution. This causes stuff like fog and unclear conditions in the sky. PM2.5 are the most dangerous because they are small enough to easily be inhaled into your body and big enough to do damage. Anything over 50 is dangerous for people with respiratory problems or heart problems. They should be careful, stay inside, and not excercise. Anything over 100 is considered extremely dangerous for the general population (and people shouldn’t exercise or do anything that involves heavy breathing since you will inhale more of these particles).

Right now the reading is 261.

The pollution levels at the exact moment I was writing this blog entry. Yikes!

The pollution levels at the exact moment I was writing this blog entry. Yikes!

So what does living in this insane levels of pollution feel like? Well, everything is foggy. It’s a low, heavy fog that in some cases, you can see from the top floor of a skyscraper. The air feels sharp, like, burns your throat a bit. You know how when you’ve just run, or done exercise in the middle of winter and you breath the dry, cold air that kinda feels sharp on your throat? That’s how it feels here.

Most people are wearing masks, and not just the kind with cute patterns, or made from cloth like people usually do in the winter. People are wearing the heavy duty masks with air purifiers built into it. Like, a less scary version of the Bane costume from Batman.

Basically what everyone in China looks like wearing air purifying masks. Okay, might be a slight exaggeration. But only slightly.

Basically what everyone in China looks like wearing air purifying masks. Okay, might be a slight exaggeration. Slight.

There is also a strange smell on the air. Like, something is burning nearby, like a factory, but of course nothing is. I haven’t changed my habits or patterns due to the weather, but if I ran or did outdoor exercise I would definitely stop it this week until things get better. Also, people are walking around looking at the air quality apps. I took a bus to Hangzhou last night and I saw 3 people in my vicinity checking out the levels of pollution. Clearly a pretty serious problem people are thinking about. According to the weather report we will have a few more days of this, maybe a week, so I will try to stay indoors a bit more than normal, and try to leave for class early so I don’t have to run and be out of breath like normal, haha.

Of course there are plenty of jokes going around the internet based on this pollution. One is a guy from Shanghai goes to Mongolia, gets off the plane and immediately falls down, gasping for breath. The ambulance comes and tries to help him breath. “Where is he from?” the medic asks. “Shanghai,” a woman tells him. So the medic goes and hooks up a hose to the ambulances exhaust and pumps it directly into the mans face. The man takes deep breaths, is revived and says,” The air of my motherland! It is so good to breath!”

There are also some awesome monster pictures going around of Shanghai and Hangzhou being attacked. Here’s one as an example:

Shanghai attack

Sadly, only the monsters were added, the smog and fog is real.

Hopefully this will be over soon and things will go back to normal. But I guess it is interesting to experience some of the chinese pollution. Kinda. Though I will be happy to not have to think about it anymore.

Categories: China | Tags: , , , , | Leave a comment

Counterfeit Money in China

Posted on December 6, 2013 by Becky

China’s famous for fakes and fake money is a huge problem. Every store has a little “money checking” machines that they run 100 rmb notes through to make sure they’re real, but I didn’t know they were so careful about the smaller bills too.

My friend got some fried rice from a little stall outside my school. He gave them a big bill, they gave him change. One of the bills was a 20rmb note. When he tried to use it at another store later, the lady paused, looked at it, ran it through the counterfeit machine and handed it back to him. (Or, more confusingly she just slid it back on the counter leaving my friend to kinda figure out what was going on by himself. She didn’t even say anything!)

My friend then tried to use the 20 next time he was buying rice from the same guy who gave it to him. But that guy refused it too. (My friend wanted to yell at him in Chinese, as this guy gave him the bad cash, but doesn’t quite have the language skills yet.)

The amazing thing to me, is that the fake looks really good. I mean, I don’t handle money everyday but I’m still a little surprised that these people could see it was a fake at just a glance. Can you guess which one is fake?

Fake money in China

Can you guess which one is fake?

Categories: China, Chinese Culture | Tags: , , | 2 Comments

Lucky Once Again

Posted on December 4, 2013 by Becky

Zhejiang Agriculture and Forestry UniversityUsually by December I’m teaching class in my winter coat and hat (no heat in the classroom) but this year we’ve been especially lucky. It’s been a long and beeaoootiful fall. Cold nights, but clear, sunny, warm days.

My school is a forestry school and has a beautiful campus with all sorts of interesting trees and bamboo. We don’t quite have the fall foliage of my New England hometown, but there is a special kind of fall beauty here. Or, fall with chinese characteristics you could say, because the trees that changes color is the Ginseng tree.

Our campus has these trees all over the place and in the fall they change into a beautiful bright shade of yellow, carpeting the ground with their unique leaves. In the sunshine the trees positively shine and the leaves flutter down with the slightest of breezes.

I feel especially lucky because I’ve decided that this will be my last year at my current school. So everything I do has a slight sentimental feel to it. My “last” Thanksgiving, my “last” fall semester, my “last” autumn. The good thing is I am taking nothing for granted and trying to soak up every minute. And when the weather is amazing, and the days are beautiful, it makes it very easy to appreciate.

The leaves fell in almost a heart-shaped pattern.

The leaves fell in almost a heart-shaped pattern.

The tree of life outside my apartment. Love this tree.

The tree of life outside my apartment. Love this tree.

 

The sidewalks are lined with these Gingko trees and so it is like a corridor of yellow.

The sidewalks are lined with these Gingko trees and so it is like a corridor of yellow.

 

I stole this picture from my students Weixin. Love it! (My darling students are so cool.)

I stole this picture from my students Weixin. Love it! (My darling students are so cool.)

Categories: China | Tags: , , , , | 1 Comment

Another Brief Moment in Class

Posted on December 2, 2013 by Becky

My speaking class is not a class I’m putting a lot of effort into. This year it was only half a semester, there is no grading required and in general it’s a class I have resented because I had to work extra hours for no extra pay.

But the kids are all right. Today in class we did 2-minute presentations again. Show-and-tell. Their choice, anything they wanted, but they had to talk for two minutes.  After Sunny’s shining performance last time I made him go first. His show-and-tell? Cigarettes.

He talked about how much he loved them, how he smoked one when he failed a test and was depressed. And smoked one when he did very good on a test and was happy (“Do you do good on tests?” I asked him. He’s not the most dedicated student I’ve met.) At one point he said to everyone that, “maybe you don’t like cigarettes because you think they are bad. No! They are good!” Of course I couldn’t let that go and I said, “Cigarettes are bad. They can make you sick. Give you cancer.”

“Then I will be happy to have cancer!” he said raising his hand with the pack of cigarettes in them. “Don’t smoke, everyone. Please, don’t smoke,” I said after he finished.

Several other students went and many showed books, which I was very impressed by. Obviously a book loving group and some of the students stories were quite moving, like the girl who carries a empty notebook with her everywhere she goes because a friend bought it for her and she’s afraid writing in it will ruin it. Or, the one girl that said she reads all the time but, “you think it would make me a profound girl, but actually I’m superficial.”

One girl impressed me by saying her favorite actor had “rock-hard pecs and a 6-pack.” Good English!

Then a girl showed a little wind chime with a crazy face on it. “I named it Jack,” she said and everybody started laughing because one of the boys name is Jack and she was looking right at him. “Because I think all cute but weird looking things should be named Jack,” much to everyone’s amusement. Then she looked at him and mouthed, “I like you!” really obviously. I don’t know what’s going on there and if she’s fucking with him or not, but it was hilarious.

Then it was Jack’s turn. Jack has a running gag that he’s in love with me, so when he started he said his favorite thing in the whole world was me. Which got everyone pretty much rolling on the floor laughing so much. Then he actually showed a kind of electric key in which you need to do internet banking in china. He uses it to play video games and you have to have it to play, so he is careful not to lose it. He said it’s so important that one of his roommates threatens to take it from him.

He said his roommate threatens him by saying, “If you don’t satisfy me I will destroy it. So I satisfy him.” Everyone was laughing, but me just a little bit more for the word choice.

Anyway, it’s a class I put very little thought into, so it’s surprisingly fun when I give them free range and let them go crazy. Meanwhile in the class I love, my “babies” we only have 3 more classes until our time together is completely and utterly over. We’ve been together 4 long years and our last class, the week before Christmas, is going to be dedicated to our memories and our time together. It’s gonna be a tough one to get through…..

Categories: China, Teaching English | Tags: , , , | Leave a comment

A New Novel is Born!

Posted on November 30, 2013 by Becky

2013-Winner-Facebook-CoverSo remember a month ago when I said I was going to participate in NaNoWriMo? (National Novel Writing Month.) The goal is to write a novel, 50,000 words, in 30 days. That breaks down to 1667 words everyday, roughly 3 pages.

Well, I not only succeeded but I kept writing and finished my story too! It’s a rare book that just happens to be 50,000 words so I kept going until I typed every writers favorite words: The End. I reached 50K on day 29, one whole day early, and I finished the story the following day, about 5 hours before the deadline.

And I have to say it wasn’t as bad as I thought! On a good day it would take me about 45 minutes to get my word count in, on a bad day , a few hours. While I had my initial idea of a story I really didn’t know what was going to happen. I kinda just let it come organically, and saw myself not only as the writer, but as the first reader too. One character started off Australian, then changed to British, then back to Australian. Another kinda disappeared accidentally. And the main characters arc didn’t come until right at the end, although I realized that some how I unconsciously knew and wrote some appropriate stuff in the beginning to match what happens at the end. So, I was just as surprised to find out what happened as a reader would be.

My NaNo dashboard that has a bunch of tools to help me stay on track and show me clearly where I am and where I need to be.

My NaNo dashboard that has a bunch of tools to help me stay on track and show me clearly where I am and where I need to be.

Doing NaNo also helped me realize how to write a book. One of the hardest parts about writing a novel is your inner critic. Inevitably, soon after you start, the inner critic starts to criticize not only your writing, but your entire idea. And, if you write slowly, the inner critic can wear you down. In my writers group back in America I would work on a story one chapter at a time, taking my time and polishing it up before moving to my next chapter. I never finished any of those books.

But now I realize that I should just plow through the first draft as quick as possible. Your inner critic doesn’t have time to take control if you are always moving forward. Now, during the rewriting process it will be in charge again, but it has lost much of its power. The book is finished, so it can’t stop me! Take that inner critic. *Sticks out tongue*

But writing a novel in a month isn’t easy, even when things go smoothly. Life gets waaaay to in the way. I got a few pretty big colds this month, got several surprise visits (literally the second I sat down to write people would call me and said “what are you doing now? Can we meet?” And not just normal friends I could refuse, but old friends I hadn’t seen in months and wouldn’t have the opportunity to see again for months or even years. So there was no way to refuse.)

So I didn’t hit my word count everyday, and in fact I fell behind in the first week. But here’s the awesome thing about NaNo: the community. After a few days my friend, who also participated and was following me, sent me an email of encouragement. And even better, the people on the “Writers in China” forum really stepped up and helped me out.

There was a page, just for the writers in China, that showed where you were in the pack. I fell into the red zone a few times (which meant you were behind) but this motivated me to keep seeing my name at the top of the list.

There was a page, just for the writers in China, that showed where you were in the pack. I fell into the red zone a few times (which meant you were behind) but this motivated me to keep seeing my name at the top of the list. (I’m Borkya–in the ‘You’re doing better than great’ catagory. Once I saw my name there I wanted to keep it there, motivating me to write more even though I was a little ahead.) 

On the NaNo China forum there is a chatroom where people can go anytime and chat with fellow writers (all of whom are in China), and get support and encouragement. I found that this chatroom was indispensable for my novel. Not just the encouragement but something called a ‘Word War.’

Word wars are a period of time, from 20-30 minutes where everybody writes as fast as they can, and whoever writes the most words is the winner. I’m a fast typer, but nothing compared to some of my fellow writers and while I almost never won a war, I still came out on top. That’s because after 30 minutes I’d have around 1,000 words, more than half my daily quota. After two wars I would finish for the day. And, when I was a little behind I’d spend a lot of time in the chatrooms on the weekend making up the loss.

Not only was it helpful, but I ended up making a few friends. It seemed that the same people gravitated to the chat room again and again, and we got to know each other and help each other. There is Yining, an energetic moderator in charge of the China forums and keeping everyone civil. And Blackfirm, who kept falling behind during the week and yet was the first one of us to finish because she wrote soooooo fast in the word wars and basically won every time. Then there was Ineedmayo, a Brit in northern China, was one of the slower ones to finish, but sometimes it was just me and him in the chatrooms during the week so he helped me a lot. Anyway, thanks to these 3 in perticular I finished and I’m quite sure that I would have given up if it wasn’t for them. And I don’t even know their real names.

I also have to thank my co-workers to thank, especially an Aussie named Angus. A few days before the deadline he sent me a text, “80 hours remain.” I didn’t get it and I asked 80 hours for what? “For you to finish your novel,” he wrote back. It’s really nice to be accountable and to have people asking you about it. It gives a good dose of pressure. (Angus also wanted to make sure I finished my story, even after I hit 50K words he kept asking to see if I finished or not.)

So, I know what your wondering: what is the story? Well, it takes place in China (‘natch) and focuses on a relationship between a young American girl and a Chinese guy. I mean hey, we all need to see more asian guy/western women pairing so I’m just doing my part. It’s a young adult novel and before you ask, NO! You cannot read it. I wrote the first draft in 30 friggin days people! So there are still a lot of problems I need to fix up first. Give me a few more months, then we’ll talk.

So if anyone has been dreaming about writing a novel but “never having the time,” I would totally suggest NaNoWriMo. My first one feels very successful and I’m afraid I might have become an addict. I’m already looking forward to next year.

My final stats!

My final stats!

Categories: Writing | Tags: , , , , | Leave a comment

Wang Leehoms Done it Again

Posted on November 27, 2013 by Becky

Wang Leehom and GFMy favorite Chinese pop star rocked the online world when he announced he has a new girlfriend. You see, despite being 37-years-old Wang Leehom has been very hush-hush about his love life. He’s had some ex-girlfriends but they’re never really out and about flaunting it publicly and he doesn’t talk about it much. That’s led to rumors of him being gay. Despite his insistence that he’s not, may people say that he and Li Yundi, a famous piano player here in China, have been secret lovers. It was spoofed on the CCTV Spring Festival Gala last year, and they even have a cute little nickname: Homdi. So it’s more than mere rumors, but both men have denied it.

So, yesterday, with much fanfare Wang Leehom finally announced his “forever love.” (spoofing the title of one of his big hits.) He announced it simultaneously on western and Chinese social media with the same picture and message. He said because she is not famous, he wanted to tell everyone about her; 27 years old, grad student at Columbia and her name. His parents love her and he hopes his fans will too.

All around China hearts were simultaneously broken and heart-warmed. One of my students, on weixin wrote, very late at night, that just looking at the picture warmed her heart and made her happy. Other students told me they were sad because now it means he’s off the market. (It’s pretty certain that the only reason he made such an announcement is because he’s going to marry her.)

I’ll admit, as a big Leehom fan who’s pretty sure they gay rumors are true, I saw the announcement as an attempt to show off just not how gay he was. And I’m not the only one. Singer Wang Leehom totally not gay, flaunts girlfriend reads the Shanghaiist article on the subject. I mean, yes, he’s a huge star here in Asia, one of the biggest, but it’s still weird to make an announcement like that. I mean, people don’t really do that ya know? They just date someone, they’re caught on camera when there out and about and then some gossip rags asks them about it and so on. To make this announcement just seems a bit forced to me.

But anyway, the fuel of gossip was flamed even more when Yundi, Leehom’s supposed boyfriend, ALSO made an announcement about his girlfriend, around the same age as Leehom’s and attending the same university. This is highly suspicious and people quickly pounced on it making some very funny internet posts. (It’s all over my Weibo–chinese Twitter.)

Columbeard University

As an english teacher I am quite proud that my students are learning English slang on their own. The definition for “beard” is going all round the web and I suspect it will be popping up in the classroom soon.

Some people have been connecting Yundi’s supposed girlfriend with Yundi, by matching up pictures on their various social media accounts. Like, one of her in a hotel room, matched with one of him outside in seemingly the same hotel.Or a picture of her has a jacket in the background that he was seen wearing. You know, stuff like that to prove it’s not just a sham relationship.

So poor Leehom. His weak attempt at stopping the rumors by announcing his girlfriend has only made things worse! Despite the rising tension between America and Japan and China because of the new ADIZ, and the increasing pollution problem, this Wang Leehom story is the number one story talked about on the internet. (I know, I’m just as bad but I can’t help it. It’s so darn fun.) Another teacher recently told me that I totally bummed out a class of students when I told them I was certain Leehom was gay. So bummed they went to talk to her about it and said, “Is Becky right?”all depressed. Hahaha.

Anyway, not like it matters anyway, I’ll be his fangirl wether he’s straight or gay, married or single.

Categories: China, Chinese Culture | Tags: , , , | 1 Comment

The Epic Saga of a Foreigner Buying on Taobao

Posted on November 22, 2013 by Becky
The most epic container of St. Ives Scrub that took me weeks to order.

The most epic container of St. Ives Scrub that took me weeks to order.

There is this magical, mystical website in China called Taobao. It is one of the world’s largest e-commerce websites. Imagine Amazon and ebay put together. You do all your shopping on one website but you buy from individual merchants, and it is one of the most used, most loved websites in China.

So, just how much do people buy? Well, according to an article I read, Taobao merchants send out 8 million packages a day. EIGHT MILLION. And that’s just a normal day. A few days ago was “double 11′s” (November 11th) which is a day to celebrate being single, but it’s also a special day for getting good deals on Taobao. Within the first 55 seconds Taobao did more than 16.3 million (USD) in sales. 55 seconds. In total they did almost 6 billion dollars in sales in one day. And that’s just one website. In comparison, all of the online shopping for last Cyber Monday was only about 2 billion.

So, its a big website. And it has just about anything you want which is a huge help for a foreigner living in China. Want deodorant? Some Twizzlers? Frozen turkey? Shoes in your size? You can find it all on Taobao.

The only problem is, that it is one of the least friendly websites for foreigners. No English version, none of the vendors speak English and it’s near impossible for a foreigner to actually open an account.

I found that out a few weeks ago when one of the my friends downloaded the Taobao app to my phone. “It will be so convenient. You can buy stuff for yourself,” he said. And it was true. Whenever I want something I need to ask a friend or a student to buy it on Taobao for me. They are always happy to help, but there is a lot of back and forth about what exactly I want and then when  it comes, and they pick it up, they have to find me. It’s always kinda a hassle, and usually the things I really need are expensive. Too expensive to ask a student to pay for it (I pay them back of course, but they need the money on their card to begin with).

So doing it by myself would be amazing. I could buy all the “little things” I want but aren’t important enough to bother students for. So I was psyched when my friend hooked me up with the app. He took a look at my bank card and said it was already setup for Taobao (which uses a company called Alipay for payment) and we tried to order something.

On the payment screen you need to put in your card info and your Chinese ID number, which, of course, I don’t have. The annoying thing is that it’s not a Chinese ID per say, it just says ID and then you choose from a drop down menu of possible ID forms. I wanted to choose passport, but the drop-down ID menu has only one option: Chinese ID. We tried again, trying all sorts of things but kept getting stuck at the ID part. He called the company and they said because I’m a foreigner I can’t just use any bank card, like Chinese people can, but I need to sign up for 1 of 4 accounts in 2 banks.

So, weeks go by and I finally have time to go to Bank of China with my assistant Bazzi to help me open up one of these “foreigners friendly” bank accounts. We go through the whole process of opening a bank account, and, while we are there at the bank, I log in to their e-banking website just to make sure it works. It does, it’s all good and we go home.

Once back at school Bazzi goes into the Taobao app, and tries to order something. But at the payment screen is the dreaded sight: Enter Chinese ID number. Just like my friend before we tried everything. My passport number with zero’s added after it (Chinese ID’s are between 15 and 18 digits long, so that was the required length. Passport numbers are much smaller.) Random numbers, everything. Nothing worked.

“I think maybe you just can’t use this app. But if you order on the website you can do it. No ID necessary.”

Okay. A few days go by and I sit down to order some stuff. I chose some St. Ives Apricot Scrub as its not available in China and I’m almost out (to add to my woes a package which my mom sent over 6 weeks ago, with some apricot scrub in it, is lost somewhere in the school.) I went through the whole process all by myself (very proud cause it’s all in Chinese) and then I get to the payment screen again. Chinese ID.

Meanwhile I’m doing google searches because I know I can’t be the only foreigner in the world with the problem. I’m not, in fact, all over the web is people with this goddamn Chinese ID problem. I finally come across a solution. I have my place set as “Mainland China” but you can change it to Taiwan or Hong Kong, and then you don’t need a Chinese ID number. So I did, success! And then I tried to pay again. Only this time, because I said I was outside China it only let me chose international banks for payment like Visa or Mastercard. But I wanted to use my Chinese bank card! Foiled again.

So, I changed it back to Mainland China and got Bazzi to help me. I gave him all my info and he tried many tricks and different ways of doing it all to no avail. Meanwhile I’m trying to hack a Chinese ID card number. Due to poor record keeping from a few years back, ID cards don’t have a solid database to check against. It’s not like our Social Security numbers which are linked to just about everything, there is no centralized system to store the numbers. And there is a pattern to an ID number that is easily replicated. So after quite some time researching it, I finally land on a number that should work for me.

And it almost does, but instead of checking with a national database, it checked with my bank. And my bank account has a passport number attached to it, not a Chinese ID, so it was rejected saying the numbers didn’t match. But when I tried to put my passport numbers in it said “too few digits.”

I was going a tad nuts.

Bazzi then thought he landed on a solution, but it involved my bank user name and password so I would have to do it myself. He very kindly sent me screen shots of exactly which buttons to press. And I did it. Instead of using my bank card, it took me directly to Bank of China’s e-banking website. All I needed to do was log in and spend the money that way. Solution found!

Only, this is a saga remember. So of course there were more glitches. When I got to the log-in screen I couldn’t enter my password. There is some security plug-in that I was missing. Usually when a plug-in is missing, something pops up and asks me if I want to download it. This time nothing did. Nor was there a download or anything on the screen. I asked Bazzi and he didn’t know, so I went back to Google.

Turns out my Mac seemed to be the problem. According to a few articles, you could only use a PC and Internet Explorer for Chinese banks. Totally archaic. So, I could either make a virtual PC on my mac or I would need to borrow someone else’s computer.

But the whole point of this was to be independent! At this point it was quite late and I had spent hours looking online at how to sign up, so I just said fuck it, and went to sleep. The next day I remembered my former laptop sitting in the closet covered in dust. my former PC laptop. So I took it out, fired it up, and used Internet Explorer. I thought I finally had this problem licked. But alas, same problem. “Missing plug-in.”

My old laptop (on the left) hasn't even been turned-on in over a year. It took forever and every single program tried to update and I had to keep stopping them.

My old laptop (on the left) hasn’t even been turned-on in over a year. It took forever and every single program tried to update and I had to keep stopping them.

“Maybe you need to update your Internet Explorer,” Bazzi suggested. So I did (which took friggin hours! My old laptop is so slow,) and I still had the same problem.

I’m about to go postal after doing all this work, all this research and still nothing. While my PC was updating, I was using my Mac to see where I could find this plug-in or how else I could log into the bank. I’m looking all over google but there isn’t a ton of information about it, and much of it is outdated. Then I get the bright idea to go to my banks e-banking home page. You see, I had been going to the log-in page directly from Taobao. I hadn’t tried going in through the banks actual website. So, using my PC I went on the homepage, there it was…the link to download the missing plug-in. *angels choir*

So, I download it, and manage to actually get into my bank account, but then I get an error message about the system not working or something like that. I had seen on various message boards that sometimes Bank of China e-banking has problems and you just gotta wait and try a few hours later.

So I power off my hulking PC laptop because it tends to overheat and I had had it on for hours. I’m feeling quite confident that this is going to work, but it’s still far from ideal. It means that I’ll have to keep my old computer around and use it every time I want to order something. It’s do-able, but annoying. And it’s already 5 years old, how much longer is it gonna last before it breaks?

So, I’m playing around on my Mac and I go to the Bank of China website again. It loads like normal, and then it pauses and does a little “thinking” for a minute. When it comes back, there is an added link for the security plug-in for a Mac! I can use my Mac!

So I download everything and log-in and it gives me that strange error message again. I’m about to meet friends so I just say forget it, and go out for the night. I’ll deal with it later.

The next day I start my computer, go to Taobao, try to buy the apricot scrub and by some miracle of miracles everything works perfectly smoothly. Like, not even one tiny hitch. I get the “congratulations you have successfully ordered your product” message. I’m in shock, I almost can’t believe it. I take a picture of the screen and send it to Bazzi just to double check I’m understanding the Chinese correctly. He says I did it. Then he tells me how to use the app to keep track of the shipping.

So, over the next few days I watch it go from Guangzhou to Hangzhou and then Lin’an. Getting packages at my school isn’t exactly easy, there are no PO Boxes or anything, but rather cement rooms at the bottom of the dorm buildings where the package goes and sits on a shelf. You gotta rifle through them to find it. Or, depending on the shipping company, a little beat-up van goes to the library at noon and spreads the packages all over the ground and you gotta pick it out. Bazzi told me it was in one of the buildings, C3. I went there, and looked all over the “A” sections packages (it’s where I live) but I didn’t see it. I ask the lady for help, and she points me over to the “C” section (it’s where the foreign students live so I guess she thought I was one of them.) I look through, just in case, and still don’t see my name.

Items can't be delivered to your house, you have to go to a central hub where you dig through all the packages looking for your name. Lucky for me my English name stands out when looking through all these packages in Chinese.

Items can’t be delivered to your house, you have to go to a central hub where you dig through all the packages looking for your name. Lucky for me my English name stands out when looking through all these packages in Chinese.

I show her the shipping info again and this time she actually reads it. “Oh, your in the wrong place. You want the place next door.” So I went next door, showed the lady and voila! There was my package.

All together it took me (and Bazzi, and my friend who originally helped) probably close to 20 hours total to figure it all out. Believe it or not, I actually condensed this problem for this blog post because explaining all the problems would have made this quite tedious. But I did it! And now I can order pretty much anything I miss or want from America, (except medicine. Fake goods are rife on Taobao and while fake Nike’s won’t cause problems, fake medicine certainly will.)

It’s opened a whole new world for me. I’ve ordered 4 things since the time I began writing this blog entry and the time I finished it. One had already arrived, one will arrive today and two are on their way. Even with my growing Chinese language skills there is so much I’m dependent on others for here. So it’s nice to be able to take care of myself a little bit!

Categories: China, Chinese Culture | Tags: , , , | 4 Comments

You Win This Round, Color!

Posted on November 18, 2013 by Becky
The final results came in during class. Obviously they didn't go my way.

The results are in. They obviously didn’t go my way.

I’ve already extolled the benefits of having a Chinese best friend (as opposed to having a Chinese boyfriend) and one of the benefits is Color and I having crazy conversations. One of these conversations happened almost two years ago when I stayed with him in Hong Kong.

My Ex and I had just broken up, and instead of 2 people going to visit Color, it was just me. Color let me stay in his room, while he slept out in the living room, and at one point I made an off-hand (I thought) remark.

“You know, I thought since my ex isn’t here, that you and I would share the bed. Not that you had to sleep in another room.”

He looked at me like I had two heads. “I’d never sleep in the same bed as you.” What?!

You see, to me (a modern American woman) sleeping in the same bed comes down to trust. Your most vulnerable at night, right? (I’m not talking about being molested or anything, but like just general security) So I want to sleep with the person I trust the most, regardless of it’s a boy or a girl.

Color has, of course, the exact opposite feelings on the matter, and he said “no Chinese would sleep in the same bed with a person of opposite sex they were just friends with.”

Oh really, no Chinese person?

I immediately texted one Chinese friend, who was also in Hong Kong, and she said she would have no problem. Friends are friends. Then, I texted a male student, one Color is friends with too, and he said “no way.” So now it was 2-2, though I had disproven the fact that NO Chinese would do it.

“That girl is especially modern,” he said. “I think most Chinese would say no.”

Challenge accepted.

Over the next semester I surreptitiously gathered data. I asked several classes under the guise of a culture class, and about one year later, Color and I were at a tie. 47 to 47.

There was one class left to ask, and not just any class, the class Color used to be a part of. The class that we originally met through. But, I couldn’t really fit it into any class, and the semester ended before I could ask them. Then, the next semester I didn’t have them. I couldn’t ask them online and one-by-one would have taken me forever. So we just sat on it.

Until last week. While talking, Color and I were reminded of it and coincidentally I had this class the next day. “You have to ask them,” he said. And so I did.

“This is going to be very random, just trust me. Take a piece of paper and write yes or no to a questions for me.” Then I asked them if they would be willing to sleep in the same bed with a friend of the opposite sex. They wrote it down, and gave me the papers.

I didn’t even need to count them, I could see at a glance that Color had a resounding win. The final official tally was 64 to 51. So now I’m on the hook and “owe” Color something. Whatever he says I gotta do. But I don;t mind, this was one fun, and interesting, culture experiment.

I'll get you next time, Color! *shakes fist*

I’ll get you next time, Color! *shakes fist*

 

Categories: China, Chinese Culture, Teaching English | Tags: , , , , | 4 Comments

Classroom Confessions

Posted on November 11, 2013 by Becky

The bunny in happier daysThere’s a foreign teacher who used to work here that had a bunny. He moved to another city in China, and try as he might, he found no viable way to bring the bunny with him. He really loved the bunny but aside from spending hundreds of dollars renting a car and driver, he couldn’t bring him with him.

So, he asked a student to take care of it. She lives in Lin’an, and the bunny had stayed at her house successfully in the past during holidays. She said her parents were happy to take care of it, and off it went.

In class the other day, the students were doing some work, and I was walking around and as I passed her, I decided to ask her about the bunny. I hadn’t asked in months.

“So hows Iain’s bunny?” I asked.

“Good,” she said. “He eats lots of vegetables.”

“Good to hear,” I said.

But here’s the thing. This student is one of my “babies.” One of the students I’ve taught almost every semester for the past 4 years. One of the students in the class I know very, very well. And something seemed, well, just not quite right. So I looked at her a little skeptically.

“Really?” I said.

She stammered a bit and paused, and didn’t look me in the eyes. “Yes, really.”

“Really?” I said this time stretching it out.

“Okay, it died!” she burst out. “A dog bit it. I’m so sorry!”

She looked really sad, and upset, and obviously felt really bad. But I couldn’t help but laugh. Not because it had died, but because of the way I found out.

Poor bunny. You had a good life.

Categories: China, Teaching English | Tags: , , , | Leave a comment