So I was a little hesitant to write this blog post because it seems a bit braggy. But objectively, it is an interesting (and unexpected) part of blogging, and it’s been happening so much to me lately, I thought I would address it.
It’s not secret I date Chinese guys. I talk/write about it all the time. And somewhere along the way, I think a website, or something, has picked me up and advertised that fact. Like, at a virtual toilet for Asian men someone wrote “for a good time, e-mail Becky” on the stall.
And the e-mails are super bizarre. Usually written in poor English (or translated through a program) the e-mails tell me nothing about them, only a hello and then a proposal. Usually along the “will you be my girlfriend” lines.
I thought all these guys found me through my blog. But then several have asked me to be their girlfriend followed by a “how tall are you?” or “can you send me a picture.” If they actually saw my blog, they would know what I look like, and see my (relative) height. Lord knows I’m not shy about putting pictures up. So when they ask that I know they HAVEN’T seen me. Which is even odder.
I mean, I know this blog is personal in nature. And I share a lot. But this blog is just a tiny part of me. Unless you’re my friend in Xiamen you don’t know what it is like to spend a night with me. You don’t know what I like/dislike (besides the horrible weather) or how I act around others or treat my friends. You don’t even know my guy situation since I don’t mention it much on my blog.
So why would anybody want to be my boyfriend without getting to know me? My vanity would like to believe it is because I’m so drop dead gorgeous bubbling over with stellar personality, but I’m not that vain. I know the truth. I’m a white woman who likes Asians. A slightly rare breed. And as such, it seems like I attract any Tom, Dick and Chen that wants a foreign girlfriend.
But those are exactly the guys I don’t want to be around. Not just guys, but girls too. I hate when people want to “be my friend” so they can “practice their English.” If you are a foreigner in China reading this, I know you are nodding your head in agreement. This is a common problem we all share. People want to be around us just because we are foreigners.
But I don’t want a friend who only likes me for my nationality or blond hair. I want a friend who likes me for me. I get that some people are attracted to foreigners, our different ways of thinking and our desire to travel. In America I was always happy and excited to meet and befriend foreigners simply because I knew we had one thing in common: a love of travel and open-mindedness about other cultures and places. So I get it. But personality matters as well.
My Chinese friends in Hangzhou and Xiamen all fit that bill. They aren’t just running around dying to meet a foreigner. Our friendships started naturally. We talk, find we have things in common, spend more time together and voila! Soon we are friends.
In fact, there is one girl who is desperate to break into one of my friend groups. She always asks everyone what they are doing? And can she come? And can she be friends? I mean, she’s nice enough, but she clearly has no interest in any of our personalities. It’s very clear from the way she acts. Desperate to have a group of foreigners while not actually caring about any of us beyond the “prestige” we can bring her.
And that’s how I feel about a girl. When a guy does it it is even a bigger turn-off. I’ve had more than a few guys ask if I can be their girlfriend and when I say no they immediately say, “so can you introduce me to your other single foreign female friends?” No. Helllllllllll no.
And that’s the baffling thing about these emails I get. Aside from one very thoughtful and well-written e-mail most guys don’t even introduce themselves or say anything besides “will you be my girlfriend?” Who would ever do that? I’ve been offered trips to Beijing, Shan Dong and even Las Vegas just to meet these guys that I know virtually nothing about. Would any girl travel to meet a guy she doesn’t know?! That’s crazy unsafe. Do they think I am so desperate to find someone, or the fact that I like Asians means I’ll be into any Asian regardless of personality?!
Well, I’m not, on both accounts. While I appreciate the sentiment let me save you the trouble of writing me an e-mail. No, I don’t want to be your girlfriend. No I am not looking for a husband. Find someone near you, in your area. And get to know them as a person, not as a foreigner. That’s the best way to find a foreign girlfriend.